Do you find yourself cringing internally when faced with the question “Are you ok?”  

Do you find yourself responding with a glib, “I'm ok.”, when you're anything but? 

The question seems innocent enough, but it unleashes a whirlpool of emotions when you are not okay. You find yourself worrying if you had inadvertently let something slip. You thought you had your poker face on and that your feigned cheerfulness was Oscar–worthy.  

Facing the internal struggle, we are all too familiar with. Do you reveal the truth or not? Well, it depends on whether it is someone that cares about you or just someone that is going through the motions of what is deemed polite. Basically, just meaningless pleasantries, when they not really interested in the response.  

Sometimes, even when it is someone that cares, we still stubbornly refuse to open up, fearing criticism, harsh judgement or worse, that they will not be able to handle the truth. So, instead you bury your pain, shrug and find yourself saying “I'm ok.” Opening up is hard to do, there is shame, needlessly I may add; shame that you are failing at this thing called life, especially when everyone else seems to be acing it. We appear to have a build-in defence mechanism against showing vulnerability.  

You feel that revealing your vulnerabilities will bring judgement from others, even condemnation, or worse, being reprimanded and schooled in how you should be living life. We can all agree that the last is the worst of the lot, as it heightens the feeling of shame and diminishes your feeling of self. 

Unfortunately, you will find that the people most able to help refuse. The ones most likely to help will be those with not much to spare, but still so willing to share the little they have to alleviate the need of a fellow human. This display of genuine compassion can of course sometimes trigger the waterworks, as their concern is so sincere and kind.  

You can, obstinately continue hiding your troubles behind your mask, but how is that working for you? Be honest, going it alone is not doing you one iota of good, and honestly it is such a disservice to the rest of your fellow humans. Don’t you know that other people are gifts that God placed along your path for you to find. No one enters your life by accident, but by design. Why do you think that one of the best highs (the natural kind) in life is knowing that you helped a fellow human? 

Yet, oftentimes we struggle to ask for help for ourselves. Learn to get out of your own way. Asking is free and you have nothing to lose. Remember that allowing another person to help you serves them too. They get to tap into their heart, finding compassion they didn't even know they had and connect to their higher self.  

Your need serves a purpose as it allows another to step up and be of service, exactly like God intended. Being stoic and having a stiff upper lip doesn’t really serve anyone in the long run. A problem shared is a problem halved. No, it doesn’t mean the person you confide in is magically going to make your problems disappear. Yes, you will still have your problems at the end of your chat. However, it is their compassion that will reaffirm your sense of self and your very being, give you the necessary strength to keep on keeping on.  

When you unburden your soul, the resulting emotional purge leaves you feeling lighter and brighter.  

Have you noticed it is always a mixture of laughter, snot and tears when you finally decide to let go? Oftentimes, your vulnerability births your authentic self. So much so, that the ensuing hard-won clarity allows you to come up with the solution to your problem. It takes courage, yes, to be vulnerable but it brings out the best in your fellow humans when you say, “I am not ok.” Remember that the next time you feel like hiding behind a mask. 

Here are some quotes that will perhaps help you to reach out and ask for help when you are not okay. 

Nothing makes one feel so strong as a call for help - Pope Paul VI 

When you ask someone for help it strengthens them as they feel needed and by asking them you give their confidence a boost because it means you trust that they can. 

Don’t let your fear of being judged stop you from asking for help when you need it - Anonymous 

Yes, we do feel vulnerable but push through the fear, remember only the wise and courageous ask for help. 

Ask for help not because you’re weak, but because you want to remain strong - Les Brown 

Precisely, actually asking for help is indicative of your intelligence as it reflects your ability to discern when you cannot do it alone 

Having someone help you doesn’t mean you failed. It just means you’re not alone - Anonymous 

Exactly, and it is an affirming position for your helper too, as they realize they are capable of helping another 

Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful - Ric Ocasek 

True, your need allows another to rise up to the occasion and find the necessary strength and compassion in themselves to be helpful to another 

Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step - Mariska Hargitay 

Sure, it is, asking for help is being super brave as it shows that you possess the necessary discernment to get over yourself, your ego and ask for help.  

I think the hardest point to get to is that point of asking for help or reaching out to other people and being honest with yourself - Mary-Kate Olsen 

We are hardwired not to show or expose our weaknesses to others. So it takes courage and an intense internal struggle to get to the point where you admit you need help and seek help.

Sometimes asking for help is just as heroic as giving it - Chris Colfer 

Asking for help is courageous because you have to fight an epic battle with your ego to ask for help 

New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings - Lao Tzu 

Yes, fear of change leaves us clinging to the familiar, even if it's hurting us. It is the fear of the unknown and letting go of the familiar. Though everyone will attest with hindsight that their new beginning was the best thing that ever happened. 

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail - Confucius 

Wisdom is gifted when you overcome obstacles, the greater the challenge the greater the wisdom 

Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity - Coco Chanel 

Yes, when you down and out with nothing to lose, that is when you connect and become your true self, no longer enamoured with fakery, pretence and such.