“Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you” should be a refrain that vertebrates through our early years. Why? Because everything emanates from you. You are the birther of your life. Remember, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get to know and accept yourself unconditionally so that you can be comfortable and more importantly, compassionate with yourself.  

Take courage and comfort from the Thomas Wolfe quote, “Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.” At any given moment billions of people are experiencing loneliness. Yep, it is good to remember that everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives. The upside of this factoid is that because loneliness is a shared human experience, it becomes the basis for connection in itself. Loneliness is a feeling, that is why you can feel lonely amidst a crowd and not feel lonely when you are all by yourself. Loneliness is an experience based on emotion, not fact.  

Being alone does not mean you are lonely and being lonely does not mean you are alone. This sentiment is clearly underwritten by Haruki Murakami when she says, "I'm all alone but I am not lonely.” For this very reason it is best to ask what instead of “why” questions. Why will birth self- recriminations such as “I must be unlovable,” in response to “why am I feeling lonely” which will just pull you further down the rabbit hole of despair. Asking “what” questions such as what is making me feel lonely will lead to more plausible and helpful truths, such as “I am feeling lonely because I have nobody to talk with.” This can be remedied by joining a club, a church or a community that shares your ideals. Always remember that you are part of everything and everything is part of you. There is healing in knowing that you are not suffering alone and that others have survived what you are experiencing now. 

The following adage by Jean-Paul Sartre always makes me laugh out loud, because it is so apt. “If you’re lonely when you’re alone, then you’re in bad company.”   

Cultivating the ability to stay with yourself even though you are uncomfortable aids you in developing a sense of contentment and acceptance of your loneliness without feeling the need to alleviate it. Though we are conditioned to look outside ourselves for comfort you should strive to connect with others not from desperation, but from feeling at ease in yourself. Incorporate the following saying of Maxine into your life, “Wise people are kind with others. Wiser people are kind with themselves.”