Do you find yourself biting your tongue more often than not, swallowing pithy responses and uttering submissive dribble, acquiescing to everyone's’ demands but your own? Are you caught in toxic relationships that make you doubt your worthiness? It is perfectly normal to avoid people and situations that makes you uncomfortable, however when it becomes your go to response then you are on a slippery slope and need to address the matter asap.  

Not speaking your truth and acting like a doormat does not serve you and may impact your mental health in the long run. No, it is not a sign of politeness to ignore your own needs and wants on a continuous basis. No, you will not get a gold star at the end of your days because the Divine will ask:  

“Why? Please explain... you, a spark of the universe, perfectly and wonderfully made. Why did you spend your precious time on earth not living your life fully? Why did you hide behind false modesty, playing small, pretending to be insignificant and permitting other people to indulge in bad behaviour towards you? Why did you feel such shame? Why did you treat yourself so dismissively? Why did you harbour such hate towards yourself when nothing in you warrants shame? You endured life instead of living it.” 

When a relationship is one-sided or when you have to pretend to be what you are not for the sake of a relationship. These are examples of situations wherein you are obviously not valued. These types of relationships will eat away at your self-esteem and may lead to mental health difficulties, if allowed to continue unabated. Realize that when someone does not value you, speak up, or walk away, or do both.  

Making excuses for bad behaviour invites more of the same. It is not your job to redo or change the characters of other people, it is an impossible task. You cannot make people change. Change is a personal choice. You cannot and should not try to make anyone feel something they don’t organically feel. Actions do speak louder than words, so learn to observe behaviour. If their behaviour indicates that they do not value you, then walk away, no matter what their mouths spout. It does not mean you're slating them for not valuing you, far from it. 

Avoiding conflict by allowing others to override your decisions, is a direct attack on your boundaries as they are dismissing your wishes. It can start off innocuously. Not calling someone out for treating you badly because you're afraid of losing their friendship. Holding on to a romantic relationship when it is past its sell by date because you fear being alone. Being aware of these seemingly innocent actions will allow you to stop indulging in such behaviour. Choose to take charge of your life, by maintaining and enforcing healthy boundaries as you should, as we all should. 

This is where the importance of self-love comes in. Self-love is the stepping stone to becoming assertive by setting and maintaining boundaries. This will lead to healthy relationships with others. When you practice self-care, you are on the path to self-love. It is important to learn to love yourself as it allows you to understand that you are enough. You cannot love or expect love from others until you love yourself. The following quote says it best. 

Everyone has inherent preferences and there is nothing wrong with that. We often hear a barrage of complaints from disgruntled partners, “If they could only show me, they love me.” The real reason you want them to show you their love is because you cannot sense it, your inner wisdom declares that there is no evidence of love. Making them profess something that they do not truly feel is foolish and futile.  

They will often say what you need to hear as it is convenient for them to have you around, that is plain usury and should not be tolerated. When someone loves you, you feel it in your bones even if they try to hide it, no declaration needed. So, trust your instincts and keep your dignity. Not being loved by somebody does not reflect one iota on your worth, it just means you have not met your person yet. 

Acceptance of ‘what is’ will enable you to release what does not serve you.   Only invest in relationships that welcome all of you, wherein you feel no need to hide pieces of yourself. You are not honouring yourself, by permitting others to treat you in a disrespectful manner. Remember and comprehend this forgotten truth. Then learn to apply this truth religiously in your life. When you have to compromise yourself in order to make a relationship work, it is a deal breaker, not an option.  Once you have learned and accepted this life lesson you will be able to level up. Yes, your progress, is entirely dependent on making the right choices and passing your life lessons. It is your acceptance of the truth that is the genesis of your strength. Facing and accepting the reality of a situation is empowering, blessing you with the power to do the necessary, even if it means walking away. This will allow new possibilities to come into your life once you become unstuck from toxic relationships or situations. 

The universe does not want you to be negated and therefore will create situations that will offer you a solution. Respecting your free will, the universe often offers you a choice, leaving the ultimate decision in your hands. Ironically, most of the time you do not accept the offer of escape, instead you choose to stay, shackled by a victim mentally or worse, believing the lie that you are to blame for the situation and deserve no better. Rarely do you select the choice that will benefit you the most and will serve your highest good. Instead, like clockwork, you choose what benefits others, to the detriment of your own wellbeing. We all have done some or all of the above examples. It is not being high maintenance to have standards and clear boundaries and importantly, to not allow others to disregard them. 

The daily practice of mindfulness will help you move forward and built resilience. It will facilitate and encourage you to form better relationships. This daily practice of mindfulness will reduce your susceptibility to toxic people and situations. Read my articles on meditation and mindfulness to learn how to incorporate these healing practices into your daily life. Here are some positive affirmations to give you strength when next you find yourself in a toxic situation. Affirmations will infuse positivity into your thought patterns which will ultimately help you to create a positive outcome. 

I accept ‘what is’ and let go of what could have been, allowing better things to come my way.

I connect with my inner strength and draw on my resilience, affirming I am ok, this too shall pass.

I focus my energy on creating a life that nourishes and sustains all of me.

Today I turn my gaze inwards and reflect on what is fuelling my thoughts and feelings. 

I will confidently step out in the world on my own today, armoured with Divine grace and positivity.